I'M SO PROUD OF OUR JUNIORS (:
I could tell they were really trying super hard and I think it's not easy la haha I hate being blindfolded.
and HTHT with raffulti girls was really the best <3
damnit I'm now unbalanced but I hope it'll be better soon

I miss doing alot of things.
I really miss having my own free time. It's been a crazy term, catching up with life and homework. felt like I didn't really do what I wanted. I walk past the amphi every break (hehe I know it's a weird but yeahh I take the stairs instead of the lift so I can walk past the amphi) and see no one there. I miss our throwing sessions and random meetups ): getting all sweaty before physics lecture on tuesdays or just sitting at the tables talking about life and maybe math. I met some junior last friday doing break haha (finally!!) and just started throwing with him. forgot to ask his name heh XD some breaks I study alone at the tables, I kinda like the quiet but not really silent atmosphere. 

still trying to catch up with studies. 
but yknow, it makes me really happy and enlightened right not to be able to understand all those stuff that's been happening. it's rather interesting stuff that I don't mind learning. taking exams is ofcourse, a whole different thing so don't ask
and more importantly, I don't have to walk. just sitting there at the same spot makes me forget 

that I really wanted to do a gazillion things
to hold on to raffulti yet not lose house d. to be a good member but not lose studies as a priority. take time to meetup with friends and still be able to be go for og outings. try really hard for take 5 but not lose focus on house CIP. and I've probably failed at every aspect. if I had to describe this term, I think fail is a really apt word. maybe it was a wrong decision to take up so many things. I have never failed so terribly in such a short period of time.

and yet I'm thankful for all this busyness, I found a group of people to talk to, to help me look forward to each school day.
I think I really suck at this being open and making friends thing. I found that I like spending time with people without having to say or contribute anything haha just listening and laughing. I just like the presence I guess? okay but coming up with whacky plots once in a while is a truly different bonding experience hehe 
and for you, I'm the most grateful to you for helping me break my shell and inviting me to eat with you guys all the time.

IHCs and housestuff seem so surreal now.
crazy huh. so this is the end of 6 years of house.

what I really want is to run again.
and for that brief period of time I ran during training, I think I couldn't have been happier. okay so I missed the disc and almost-d-but-didnt twice. I was slow but I ran and I tried to contribute and idk it felt good (maybe it was also the thought that I would be well by sat and play in IVP). but it freaking hurts to walk now and I missed IVP yet again. super annoyed like wth what is wrong with my leg. how is it possible that I woke up one day to this. it's been more than a month, I thought I would have gotten used to it by now.
I really want to scrim. run around school, or the track. to run for hucking drill. to play for open nationals. to be in the team for interjc. I don't want a doctor to tell me to go rest or stop me from doing anything.

we all think our own problems are the most important
like how I know I'm screwed for CTs, someone please save me

and I realised how much faster it is to use tumblr

you oh so righteous being
you're gonna be mindblown tmrw

woke up this morning and ate some white chocolate muffin, 
the ribbon one from awfully chocolate
yummmmmmmz
then my mum came back with pancakes
I'm a pig hehe

training today was awesome
was afraid it might rain but yay it didn't (:
found out that amos isn't the only one who says white as hwite

went to foodcourt at j8 to eat the same thing as always
and then to koi to get hazelnut milk tea hehe
had a lift home which cut down travelling time by like woaah

did some stuff today (:
spent alot of time talking to people who matter

SO THANKFUL FOR TODAY
I hope my happy mood lasts forever
(: (: (: (: (: (: (: (:

lost my pencilcase D: ohcrapp all my orange and purple pens/zigs 
and the stressfulness of my situation has finally hit me
sucks
its not a good feeling
I'm tempted to slack off these few days since I'm quite screwed already
only 3 days of not going to school left
): ): ): ): ):

dear me, please don't screw up j2 life.



stuck in her daydream

it's a sucky feeling to have clashing activities
I thought I had figured out my priorities while in cangyuan
stupid me

I'm suddenly reminded of the start of retardedness in cangyuan
you think the only people who are people
are the people who look and make people
but if you walk the footsteps of the people
you'll learn things you never knew you never knew

I remembered how I was afraid that our group would just fall apart
I couldn't find a way to connect with everyone
I was a really bad leader ):
thank goodness for sharon's singing and blackboard art
and yeqi's effective note taking and task reminding
nickchoo's retardedness and earnest face
duanhao's sick teaching skillz
and yap's ability to make kids laugh (hahaha yaosheng)
I think we make a very efficient and retarded group (:

(hahaha I'm laughing at my old selves after reading previous posts)

ISLE was great (:
felt a little awkward at the start
but learnt to listen more
be less judging
learnt to chill and still perform
remembered how to dance (:

the seaweed is always greener
in somebody else's lake.
you dream about going up there
but that is a big mistake.
just at the world around you,
right here on the ocean floor.
such wonderful things surround you
what more is you looking for?

glad for the updates (:
honestly love my house d
how we're so different yet we have the same opinion on stuff (usually hehe)

work it harder, make it better
do it faster, makes us stronger
more than ever ever after
our work is never over

training felt great
I hope every training's like this one
kinda hoping for wed training in school 
and I liked the ice cream session
I think I went mostly because I felt guilty about lots of things
don't know when I'll ever stay back so late again hmm

so I said I'm a snowball running
running down into the spring that's coming all this love
melting under blue skies
belting out sunlight 
shimmering love

" When I was younger I thought success was something different. I thought, " When I grow up, I want to be famous. I want to be a star. I want to be in movies. When I grow up I want to see the world, drive nice cars. I want to have groupies." But my idea of success is different today. For me, the most important thing in your life is to live your life with integrity and not to give into peer pressure, to try to be something that you're not. To live your life as an honest and compassionate person. To contribute in some way."

I realised I haven't found out what I'm good at, what I really like to do, what I'm gonna do
it's too cold outside for angels to fly